Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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