I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize