IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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