the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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