She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We don't watch enough power rangers
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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