god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
