Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
