I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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