How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
