Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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