I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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