Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
