Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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