Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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