one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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