I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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