just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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