I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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