She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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