i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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