god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i think im in europe. pls send help
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
