Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
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