I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
