listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
