He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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