Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
