No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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