there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
