I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
