we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
