Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
