I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
