Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just google imaged poop.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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