I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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