Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
