I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sext me about skeletons
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
