Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
