just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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