I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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