Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
