Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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