"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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