peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think my mom watched the whole time
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
