He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
