Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
