Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
