Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
