I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
