Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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