I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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