8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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