I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
