Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
