she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
