I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
