So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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