um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
