DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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