Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize