So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
