I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
