i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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