The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
