my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This baby is an asshole
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So apparently I’m into choking now
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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