Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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