p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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