Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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