Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
