Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
