and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
