Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
