It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
