Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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