something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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