Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
dude. I can hear the air.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
