Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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