dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize