some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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