he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
